This week “Caught in the Act” was commandeered by the saucy, red-headed Tupperware wonder Dixie Longate whose show, Dixie’s Tupperware Party, opens in the Jaeb Theater October 15.
I was looking at the Straz Center’s site to see my pretty picture rotate on the screen between other amazing shows and I saw there was a blog on here. I remember my daughter, Wynona, telling me that blogging is the thing that everyone is doing, so I figured I would take this one over for a second and scribble down something. But what should I write about?
Then it hit me like a family-sized vacation pack of Pop Tarts. I am hoping that loads of people attend my Tupperware Party this week, but who would I be all tingly down in my no-no place to see walk in for the party and join y’all?
I would love to have people like Brad and Angelina there because they have so many mouths to feed and would probably buy a ton of Tupperware. And The Rock because I want to see if his big hands can open some of our tiny bowls. George Clooney because he is George Clooney. And Sandra Bullock because I know she is friends with George Clooney and if she comes, he is much more likely to show up. And Steve Martin because he just makes me giggle, and I’m sure he would show me things about Tupperware that I didn’t even know. And definitely Tatiana Maslany who plays all those different clones on Orphan Black because even if she is the only person who came, it would be a full party. And maybe Diana Ross if she isn’t busy because I want to see how she gets her hair through a doorway.
And there wouldn’t be a Tupperware Party if Brownie Wise wasn’t there. She created the Tupperware Party in the first place, so there is no dang doubt that I would want her to be there with me. Nothing would make me happier than to see her sitting at the party seeing how far the fantastic plastic crap has grown.
I would serve them all cocktails and talk about the sheer amazingness of the different items that would make their lives easier. Of course the wine bottle opener would be in the hands of every single guest within the first 10 minutes. I have never seen a corkscrew open a bottle of wine this daily and this quickly. No wonder I have one in the glove box for emergency traffic jams when I am just sitting there in bumper to bumper traffic and feeling parched. I reach into the back seat into my stash of wine and grab me a bottle, whip out my corkscrew and grab the bottle between my thighs. A couple of quick turns on the corkscrew and that bottle is opened and being enjoyed before you can say “cottage cheese jello mold.” Who’s excited? Every damn person at my party, that’s who. They will all be sitting there with their mouths opened when they experience the fantasticalness of that cork popping out of that wine bottle.
I would show them the rest of my stash and then eagerly swap stories between nibbles of chips from one of my Party bowls. I would ask them all kinds of questions about their amazing and glamorous lives, but let’s all be honest here, they aren’t going to want to talk about themselves at all when they get this close to Tupperware. I mean, who would, really? Once you see it, it really changes your life. True story!
I can’t wait to see y’all at the party and see who you might be sitting next to. If it looks like you are sitting by 518 pounds of hair, it’s Diana Ross.
– Dixie, Your Tupperware Lady