Sometimes, things need to be said that should never need to be said. This is one of those times and this is one of those things.
Don’t throw cellphones at performers.
Also, don’t throw candy, flowers, jewelry or, well, anything.
If you didn’t already know not to do that, please reconsider attending any performance anywhere ever. There are far too many of your sort showing yourselves at shows.
Harry Styles, Drake, Bebe Rexha and Kelsea Ballerini have had a rose, a cellphone, a cellphone and a necklace, respectively, hurled at them at concerts. Drake deflected the phone launched at him, while the other three got hit in the face.
The lawyer for the suspect accused of striking Bebe Rexha said his client didn’t intend to harm the singer – despite the fact that the phone hit her dead square in the face – and simply hoped to have Rexha take pictures with the phone and return it to him.
Right. Maybe if he’d also hit her in the face with a stamped, self-addressed padded container.
A stage invader slapped Ava Max so hard he scratched her eye. We refer Ava to this charming concert clip starring Rolling Stones’ guitarist Keith Richards. Seeing a fan rush toward him onstage, Richards repurposed his Fender Telecaster as a Louisville Slugger. Happy ending: Keith said the guitar stayed in tune. Ava: Consider purchasing a Fender Telecaster.
Audience misbehavior isn’t new although a new peak of stupidity may have been reached. Then again, in the 1970s you had halfwits and knuckle draggers shooting off fireworks at indoor arenas. An M-80 chucked at Aerosmith at a 1977 show managed to injure both singer Steven Tyler and guitarist Joe Perry, forcing the band off the road for a month. This occurred in Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love, where Eagles fans have hurled batteries at opposing teams’ players. And booed Santa Claus.
Even The Beatles had to deal with projectiles in the form of jellybeans, or jelly babies, because those English have to have a different word for everything.
George Harrison mentioned in an interview that he enjoyed the sweets and bam! The Beatles were being showered with and struck by colorful candies during their performances.
Broadway reportedly has seen an uptick in loutish behavior – excessive drinking, talking during performances, multiple trips in and out of the auditorium – but so far, no thrown cell phones.
Some blame the increase in boorishness on the pandemic, saying social skills atrophied during the lockdown. Maybe, but anyone who can’t remember not to throw their cellphone needs more lockdown, not less.
Straz audiences – the finest folk you could ever hope to meet – know that a few simple rules help everyone enjoy the show:
- Quiet, please. You’ll know when to applaud or laugh.
- If you must open a candy wrapper, do so quietly. Or better yet, before the lights go down.
- Visit concessions and the restroom before the show or during intermission.
- Silence your cellphones. Don’t throw them.
This also will keep performers from going all Patti Lupone on you: